


Blackest Days

by Lavie678



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2020-12-17 03:31:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21047582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lavie678/pseuds/Lavie678
Summary: Esther has never been the focus of attention before. A supposed deadbeat ranked 30th in her class of 100 students, she doesn’t understand why the likes of Captain Levi who regard her little more than a pissing cockroach and Major Erwin whose intentions seems elusive - even more so his behavior - seems peculiarly interested in her. And not in the way teen girls fantasize about older men falling for them, but in a way that makes their skin crawl with fear.





	1. Morning Breeze

She would not call herself brave, or strong, or smart, or anything that may explain the reason why she choose to live the rest of her life - however short that maybe - as a soldier in the Survey Corps of all places. Maybe it was the utter terror reflected on her face, something so uttely terrifying that you are forced into an action, a sudden, spontanous, aimless action - an earpiercing shrill and blind thrashes and attacks against the object of your terror. It is more like a desperation for survival rather than a simple bravado, as many veterans in the Survey Corps will tell you. No one who has ever fought them - the giant, deformed humanoids that closely resemble a child’s drawing rather than an anatomical human- will ever tell you that bravery is a virtue, if it exists at all in the field, where you are akin to a soldier thrown out of his gear and flying through the sky to splat into something. 

Esther was seriously doubting herself. Her body was rigid, upright-not trembling-but she wasn’t feeling good. She wanted to throw up. She clutched tightly to a wire connected to her gas, and breathed painfully from her nose and out from her mouth. The other cadets weren't dong much better. The fire on the torches surrounding them - thirty two, only thirty two cadets- casted light to their expression. But you didn’t have to look into their expression to see their feelings. You could see their fright by the way they stayed stoned to their spots, eyes wide and unblinking, and their carefully controlled breath. 

The Commander spoke of reality. Not a speech about honorable deaths, but of dishonorable ones. How most recruits were to day in the first expedition, how they were to stare into the innocent wandering eyes that were anything but innocent and still do something not because of bravery, not because they are thinking of humanity, but because eveyone just wants to survive and return home.

”But,” he added with a heavy grim to his voice “those who are able to go further than their self interest will be ones to survive, even if they were to die.”  
______________________________________________________________________________________________________

It was very early in the morning. The sky was dark and the air was bitter and bleak. There were droplets of water falling from the greyish clouds and were beginning to slowly stain the ground as the rain pitter-pattered on the ground, and the smell of the fresh wet earth reminded her of the moment where she used to sweep the ground after splashing water all over. There was the clear cut path that lead to the backyard of one of the barracks belonging to captains, and if you reached there without anyone taking a sneak peek at you, you would turn around the corner and head straight to your left and then you would see a wearied down stairway that spiraled out around the tower which had a flat top. If you manage to go that far without the captains snapping into action with a readiness to butcher your limbs, you will learn that gently placing your hands on the walls and your legs on the stairs, and then slowly climbing would benefit you great. Slowly, and slowly. You do not make a peep. Nope. Nada. None. You would notice the cuts and nips made from drunk attemps to climb the stairs and the weed that are carefully managed, but which still had the persistent roots tightly clinging to their spot you see if you peered in very close. By that time, the skies would brighten. Just a little so you could see your way and perhaps the red seed dandelions that Captain Levi never cuts from the ground. The wind might pick up, and you will have an urge to take one of them and then blow it. They take to the wind very fondly and retreat far, far away. You will keep climbing. And keep climbing. And then you get to the top. 

Normally no one is awake at this time. There are some benches positioned around the tower you could sit on. But the place that you should want to sit is the one facing where the sun will rise. You would sit there and heave a breath, and snuggle into your jacket. The spectacular view before you baffles the eyes. The sun will rise, but you will not notice it rising, the clouds will begin to redden and the skies will become blended colours of pink and blue and purple. Sure the slight breeze might make you chatter your teeth till you feel like you will break them, but the feeling of the warmth of the sun washing over your body, and on the whole of lands laid before you is absolutely worth it. Every second of it is. 

Then the terrible ear piercing drill will wake everyone up before the morning breeze passes. Before that happens, it is absolutley necessary that you slowly climb down the stairs, and then run. Run as fast as you can back to the recruits’ barracks. And stop at the stables. You now have an alibi for waking early. You were tending to your horse and bonding with him. No one questions you. They praise you instead. 

Except one person. 

Captain Levi. You could not impress him easily. One thing you would notice for and formost is his height. He was short. Really short. And the second thing you notice before snickering at him is his scathing face. And by extension, his personality. He always had that bored but I-can-kill-you-with-my-eyes-alone look. Which is to say, you never mess with him. Nor snicker behind his back - because let us be honest, your face will turn into a delicous looking titan food. Rumor has it that he can hear the slight and the bare noises made at night. Thats the reason why he barely sleeps which results in one of the darkest bags you have ever seen under his eyes that seem to pull his face down, and suddenly and very out of the blue, you are remided of your grumpy old man. Rumor also has it that he joined the Survey Corps ‘kickin’ and screamin’’ and the only person he respects is Section Commander Erwin. He obeys him. And only him

To Esther, he was a fading character in her story that sometimes showed up to ruin her life. Like a bad weather you could not avoid, you just had to clench your teeth and bare the inconvenience. Because that is what good soldiers do, and what good girls do. Kinda like now.

His face was turned from her. And she was on the staircase, battling how she should run. Her heart leaped to her chest and she swore he could hear her, but the entire I-can-hear-you-snore-from-my-room was just a rumor? Surely? Esther lowered her feet down the stair and she moved her hand from the wall. The entire time, her eyes were on the figure that was unmistakebly Captain Levi, and he didn’t seem to notice. She felt giddy like she was just getting away with a bad, bad thing.

And thud! 

Classic. She placed her leg down too firmly and too loudly. She hastily looks over from the ground to Captain, but he didn’t seem to have heard her. Encouraged, she again lowers her other leg down the stairs. And holds in her pants, and she feels very blue. The chipped stairs sways from side to side, and she almost, almost lets go of the wall. 

“Know what happens if you fall? Probably a bad concession and maybe a broken leg or two.” 

Her stomach leaps to her throat like shes just seen a monster in the dead crack of a night, or a sudden hand in an alley, or maybe the buckling of belts and its cracks on her back in the breezy evenings where she could smell the savory smell of bakery down the street.

She takes in a shaky breath, and an equally shaky step up on the stairs she just climbed down from. He still isn’t looking at her, but his hands are buried deep into his pockets when a particular severe wind whips past them and then settles into a low and pitched sounds. 

“It is nice in here. No wonder you come here all the damn time,” he says in a low and croaky voice, and it ripples in the air. 

She gulps to push the bile and the panic down. Its not that he was particularly bad to her, but he just seems to have his eyes on her whenever she feels his presence. At the stables, the automat, the training grounds, you name it. A pair of two eyes that seem to travel wherever she goes and then painstakingly observe nothing and everything at the same time.

”Why are you so silent? I asked you a question dipshit.” 

“Yes!” She almost screams, and Captain Levi raises his eyebrows, and they twitch and she quites down immediately“ I come here, sometimes- only sometimes- not everyday! And because it is, like, umm... really nice to be here... the sunset is nice.” 

“I can see that.” 

“Umm... yeah, so that’s why. And I know, really I know that its technically not allowed-“

”Technically?” He raises an eyebrow “You mean completely, because I don’t see a rule that says that recruits can go around doing whatever the hell they want and then lying about them.” 

“Well it doesn’t actually say that in the morning I can’t go out, it just says I need to sleep on curfew time. Besides I didn’t lie because no one asked me why I was up early and I never had to confirm and-“ 

“What the rules says is that you cannot be in the captain’s barracks without authorization.”

She falls silent, ashamed that she spoke with such a haste and forgot he is her superior.

”So you may shut up,” he adds. “In any case, that’s not the reason why I am here so damn early.” 

Esther perks up, curious. “Then, what is your reason sir?” She says, her tone evened out because the terrible pounding ceases like piano rhythms that falls into silence. 

Captain Levi crosses his arm and plops down on the bench, his feet thrown casually over the other. His face suddenly seems heavier, deeper, and more darker, as though he aged twenty years more. For a moment, a second, she could see regret, the long sigh and the unblinking slanted eyes, slightly reddish, and a stare into some faraway fantasy she wasn’t privy to. Then as fast as this look crossed over him, he snapped towards her, and uncrossed his arm and leg. 

“I want you in my team. I see the potential in you.” 

Before Esther could even think about what he said, on how the strongest soldier asked her to be on his team despite her desperate mediocracy, he spoke again, and she stood, planted in her place, heart pounding again and a drill ramming into her ears.

”Before you try to decide, let me tell you. This isn’t your decision to make.”


	2. A Realization

There was someone with Captain Levi that caught her attention. A man with a chillingly calm eyes. Calculating. Deceiving. But with a tang of warmth which quickly disappeared when one takes note of. He walked with big strides with an open self conviction. He was a tall, muscular man, and Captain seemed so small next to him, like a young adolescent boy next to his father.

They were conversing, and Captain seemed unnaturally chatty. He was more animated too, lively, less lour. The man next to him almost gazed down at him in a way a teacher would to his student or a guardian to his minor. And he did in a way that annoyed Esther, with an edge of patronizing and condescension. Almost like he owned him. As though his life belonged to him on a pedestal shaped and molded by the Captain himself.

It left sour taste in her throat. 

And the man’s eyes flickered towards her, and a for a moment he stopped his stride. A thin, wiry smile snaked on his lips, and Esther felt a shiver that made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. For a minuscule of a moment, time stopped, and the only thing she saw was his unnaturally cold smile. 

There was a high strung tension in the air. It was as though she was aware and unaware at the same time. The noises around her sounded far away, but at the same time she was anomalously awake to it. She broke out into a cold sweat. 

And as causally as he stopped, he continued his stride with last knowing glance thrown at her way. And Captain puzzled at him. No one seems to have notice the short interaction between them except the Captain. The solders around her were chatting, and they were completely unaware of them approaching.

“All right listen up soldiers,” said the man, his arms behind his back, legs spread out, and chest high. Esther found herself obeying him, and so did everyone else. No one spoke, but it wasn’t a suffocating silence, it was a formal silence. 

“I am Major Erwin Smith of the 2nd Division. Some of you do not know me because I wasn’t present during your welcoming ceremony. I am here to tell you about your job.” 

The soldiers weren’t so foolish as to murmur to themselves, but there were excited glances thrown at one another at the fact that they were being given a job in a squad led by none other than Captain Levi, and Major Smith was here to personally inform them. Esther almost forgot about her initial reaction to him because her heart was pounding at her ear, and she wanted to jump and squeeze the next person to her, but all she allowed herself was a tight, brimming-over-grin, smile. 

“In the last expedition, Captain Levi’s entire squad was wiped out by those despicable beings,” he started, and began to trudged along the strict, taut line they formed, gazing over their, proud, saluted postures. “This squad will flow through our strict ranks, and accomplish any tasks needed, anywhere. You will only take orders from Captain Levi.” 

He stopped before Cadet Petra. Esther notices just how gigantic he was, Petra was like a mouse squeaking at the sight. And also blushing. She refused to raise her head, and cowered to herself the more he stayed glued to his spot. “It is inevitable that you will soon start to feel insecure,” he said, and placed a gentle hand on Petra’s head; she shrank to herself more, and her face was on fire. “It is given because some of you are rookies with no experience, and Captain Levi can be harsh, but make no mistake, he will help you grow.”

It was nighttime by the time they were released. As the Major explained, Captain was rather harsh, especially in the midst of some basic failure that ticked him off, an honest mistake involving the Maneuvering Gear, when Olue was little too confident for his own good, tried a complex technique and nearly butchered his spine. Captain was quick to snatch him from the air by a few centimes from having his new squad member crash into a tree. When they were on the ground, he dropped Olou and kicked him rather terribly, his feet digging deeply to his stomach, and grabbed him by the neck and headbutted him so hard, he fell on his arse immediately down again. 

"You try the techniques I teach you, not the ones your puny brain come up with in the middle of training. Don't go around doing things way above your skill set," he said acidly. When he got angry, his face was like a wet rag, very pained and in a way, a complete opposite of his normal state, he was rather passionate. Harshly passionate, but nonetheless. 

"Well at least I didn't fail as badly as Esther did, and Captain didn't even scold her!" Olue said begrudgingly when Captain left. Petra gasped and smacked him on his head, scowling. "Esther tried her best, at least she isn't arrogant. She works just fine in a group." 

Esther gaped at him, silent. And there was a dread at the pit of her stomach. She wasn't sure if it was because of the fear, or the fact that she was bested by all of them. For the first exercise, Esther partnered with Petra and they had to maneuver around the thick trees in the training ground and take out four dummy titans. It was a timed exercise, they only had 20 minutes; kill one solo, then kill the remaining two in group. It was true that the trees were more closely placed - creating very little space for effective use of their gear- and the dummies were far apart, but the fact that she couldn’t even make a single nip on the dummies made the butterflies in her stomach go bat shit crazy. 

She couldn't kill single one of them, it was Petra who did. And Captain Levi didn't even spare her a glance, he praised Petra and moved on to Eld and Gunther. 

"Listen all of you. As the Major said, all of us are a little rusty, When I was a rookie like you lot, I could only kill one dummy titan after training for a month." Eld placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and smiled down at her, "there is no need to be ashamed, all of us will get better."

It didn’t make her feel good. But at least Eld tried. He had a sort of brotherly affect to his persona. Eld was somewhat of a veteran in the squad, and he certainly acted like a veteran towards them. But even then, there was still that innocent optimism that was hard to squash; that dream that yes, they will survive and reclaim their land from the Titans, and live a good life after retirement and not die a terrible, terrible death. 

“I should get going.” Esther gently pushed Eld’s hand away. “I have some things to do, and oh Olue?” 

Olue snapped his head from the ground and scowled at her, in a way that lit fire in her belly. “At least I nearly didn’t die right?” 

His face turned beet red, and Gunther tch-ed. “Honestly can we stop this banter, we woul-“ 

“No no, Olue is right. I am not good enough, I am not like the rest of you. But I am just letting him know that if I were to die because I am weak, he will die because he is stupid.” 

Before anyone could react to her cold words, she got on her horse which had come to her side, hearing the commotion between them. The Survey Corps’ horses were highly intuitive and in tune with their owner’s emotions. 

“You stupid, dumb bitch.” Olue got on his feet, and prepared to lung at her, his hand going to his blades. Esther’s stomach dropped at the sight, she recoiled from him and tightly clung to the rope on the horse - her pride did not let her run. But she wanted to run; by all means, he could kill her before she had the chance to scream (he was fast, sometimes a blur in the breeze of the wind ). He was the number one in their class, and she did not even make it to the top 30, let alone top 10. 

“Stop it soldier! Right now! Or I will be forced to discipline you,” Eld threatened, and Petra was looking pale and uneasy between the high figure of Esther on her horse, looking down at Olue, who was inches away from maiming someone. 

Gunther grabbed his hands from behind in a death grip, and looked down at him, glaring and disappointed. Olue struggled against him, his mouth in a snarl that showed his red gums, and the chatter of his teeth from his rage. “Eld ordered you to calm down. Calm down. Now.” 

The silent anger in Gunther’s tone brought him back to his sense. He dropped his blades, shocked with himself, and sank to his knees without looking at Esther, who did not move an inch from her spot and stonily stared down, down at him. She was glad they stopped him, because if they didn’t, she would be picking up the sharp shards of her pride from the ground after being so humiliatingly defeated. 

“If this happens again, I will report you and possibly have you punished by corporal means.” Eld turned from Olue to Esther, “Understood?” 

“Yes sir,” Esther said quietly. 

“All of you may go,” Eld said, and then added, “Except you Esther.” 

It wasn't a very long walk back to the small inn in the Survey Corps' forest. Or maybe, time passed fast for her, as it often happens when one sports a heavy nausea, an apprehension slowly pulling its weight. But at the same time, something prickled at the back of her head - why would she be called and not Olue if it was because of their fight. Or maybe - she noted with another wave of dread or at this point, relief - she is a pathetically feeble girl trying to act tough, about to be kicked on her ass and shipped off to her sick mother's house with nothing but shame. And no money to fix her. It was a spur of a moment when she joined the Survey Corps - her goal was to save up money and pay for her mother's hospital bills. For so long, she avoided owning up to the high stalked consequences and running from it - when she is discharged dishonorably, then the stalks will fall upon her and she will be under the rubble, without her favorite past time hobby of avoidance. Though there was a good side to it. She could find another job that she is good at ( however unlikely considering the fact she has no experience ). And another good side to her discharge is the most important of them all - she won’t die.

“I said that I saw potential in you but I had no idea you could do slightly more better than a pissing cockroach,” Levi said once she and Eld entered the inn. It was warm, much like the shame dusting her cheeks and urging her to do something or say something back for that lovely comment.

“Maybe that is the reason you need to promote soldiers and not force them, sir, ” she fired back, her face flushed red from his comment. “What do you except from an average soldier, a newbie? To ace the assignment given by you? Or to be better than experienced soldiers and the top cadets? Surely you must have know?” She whispered out her words, hissing at the end. All too aware of the consequences but she was too mad with herself and everyone to care. 

“Someone is feeling brave today. If only you could turn that into action.” Levi picked up the tin and sipped the tea, all the while looking at her. “Do you always bark and then run?” 

She opened her mouth, but shut it closed before she could say another thing that would earn her punishment for insubordination and another reply that would leave her with 3rd degree burn in need of medical examination. But oh boy, was it hard to keep quite. 

“Do you always avoid answering questions?” 

“Do you always blame anyone but your pathetic mediocrity?” 

Her face lit up in utter shock and horror. She pursed her lips tight, so this time she won’t reply back. Eld cleared his throat, shifting uncomfortably. He nudged her and leaned towards her ear. “Watch that sharp tongue of yours,” he whispered, gripping her arm with unnecessary force. Levi looked amused as he continued to drink his tea in that peculiar way - she wondered how he did not burn his hands. 

She slapped his arm away, eye leveling him with a snarl that he recoiled back in surprise. He looked as though he was about to die of shame from this sort of disrespect from a soldier beneath him. He looked at Levi apologetically. “Please forgive her, ther-“ 

He cut him off mid sentence with a raise of his hand, and focused his attention on her, fixing her with a glare. 

“If you are done barking, we will get to business. Eld, you may go,” Levi said and jerked his thumb toward the door. Eld looked dejected, and quietly left the inn with a sharp salute, and a cold wind swooped in after him. 

Levi said nothing. He walked past her, to the window and flickered the blinds after looking right and left. And then, he was back in his seat with that tin, legs spread out. In a spur of a moment, she realized just how alone she was, and just how much she disrespected her superior who could by all means strip her naked of all her defenses and make sure that she will be picking up her pennies from the ground while kissing his feet. Or just strip her naked, and then - she shut her eyes, heart beating maddeningly against her chest. At least if he did, he would be done with a quick round or was he the sort to take his time? She could detach herself, looking at the flickering flame and pretend nothing is happening. It wouldn’t be that bad? The longest would be like what? 10 minutes. She shuddered at the though. Levi was eyeing her intensely with a sort of calculation she couldn’t do even if she spent her entire life. She looked past him, not at him; he became a blur in her vision and the flame behind was the object of her eyes. 

“I won’t rape it that’s what you are wondering,” he said, his tone uncharacteristically flat. “Honestly, I am a little insulted you would think that.”

”ّI wouldn’t dare think that, sir,” she said, surprised he’d seen through her all too clearly, and also relieved. 

“You would dare. You think this is the first I have seen that face on a woman's face? I could understand. There a lot of pigs in here.” 

Esther didn’t response. But a warmth spread over her chest, a respect she didn’t know she had for him. Not many admitted that. “Then, what is your reason, sir?” 

Levi scoffed and shook his head,”Then?” 

“Erwin will explain, hell I don’t even know. He will be here soon. Sit down.” 

Esther took the seat across from him, keeping her legs close to another, and arms on her lap. Esther did not look at Levi; she looked at the dancing fire instead, and there it was; a surreal feeling tingling at her senses and bringing in vague memories of a man without a face, but with a presence she can’t quite put her finger on. It was like recalling something you’ve seen before, but never being able to remember what exactly it was; like a barely transparent curtain drawn over between you and the object of your memory, enough to see the outline but not the whole thing. No matter how she tried to immerse herself in that feeling, it only rejected her like an oil to a water. 

Major Smith came half an hour later, heard a lovely comment from Levi and instead of answering back to him like her, he simply smiled. And he isn’t even his inferior in rank, but a superior. It contrasted against her own behavior; and she mentally punched herself to tighten the loose rope around her neck. He pulled a chair and sat down heavily, gestured her to sit, and reassured her that, no, she is not being discharged. She couldn’t help the disappointment seeping out at a missed opportunity to actually fix her mistake. She forced out a smile. 

“Why I am here, then, sir?” she asked for the second time. She shifted under his scrutinizing gaze; a long held gaze that lasted for several seconds. And in those seconds, she’s never really felt such a deep chill shuddering in her.

Major leaned back, and looked at Levi, who was standing next to him with as much of an anticipation as her. “We want a representative. Someone in the next meeting. An average soldier who truly fears dying but has the courage to go out.” 

Her body went cold. The prospect of talking passionately, or to serve as an example to the rich, oiled bastards with their pomposity and their annoyingly stupid polite etiquette with a hidden scorn, seemed terrifying. She wasn’t good at socializing; the little times she did, she earned herself an antagonist. “Sir, with all due respect, I am not an eloquent speaker, and I... am not very good with authority and I am not really sure whether I can do this.” 

He nodded his head. “As I am sure, I was informed of your behavior with your superiors. Your temper can get the better of you. A rather recurring event, isn’t it?”

She got wide eyed; she was not expecting this sort of comeback. She sputtered out an answer, “I, ... well. I-I am sorry about that, sir.” 

“It is nothing major. A pretty straight simple job. You sit in the meeting with us. We will give you an essay to read. And in return, we will pay for your mother’s treatment after we are done with you,” he said, and sipped the tea Levi thrusted his way. 

“...my mother? How do you know about my mother?’ Esther asked. His proposal seemed too good to be true. She would read an essay and they would pay her? She wasn’t buying into it like one of those idiots who gets starry eyed and run wild with their imaginations as though on high drugs when they are offered huge sum of money. “I am not doing it. You will not pay me in the end. I know how these sorts of things end. I know that Survey Corps is low on funding. So you can go and bother some other recruit who will gladly agree.” 

Esther stood up, and looked down at the Major, who seemed shocked at how abrupt she was. The job of reading an essay to high officials wasn't terrifying, it was the fact that what one of the those officials, who undoubtedly harbor negative feeling towards the Survey Corps would do to her and her mother if she can win them over with a funding for the next expedition. 

“Sit. Down.” 

Esther turned to Levi, who was glaring up at her. He said it with such an authority, she found herself seated on the hard sofa with a shock tingling at her spine. 

“He wasn’t finished talking, brat.” 

She felt tears barely clinging to her eyes, and a lump at her throat that she tried to swallow down. He talked with such a venom that she was reminded of her position; a lowly soldier whose superior was taking interest in. They weren’t asking her to make a choice. They were commanding. And she had no choice. 

“As I was saying, you are right. We are low on funding, but we know someone in the Medical Department who can take a look at your mother and possibly cure her. The payment won’t be that high. They will give us... a little discount.” 

He handed her two pieces of paper. She took them with a waving hand and peeked at Levi, whose face was as severe as before. Defined eyebrows drawn in to give her a nasty and quite frankly, a terrifying look. The first paper had an address on the top right corner with a messy cursive writing and a name. It was a sort of document that confirmed the said discount. She shifted the papers. The second was a long, a lot more beautiful writing; it was the essay the Major was talking about. Esther frowned to herself; she still didn’t trust them. You don’t trust people who force you, who would have no qualms about deceiving with the same tone, the same crafty web of manipulations, and the same sort of threats that will feel as though hands are around your neck, squeezing and squeezing and slowly breaking your resilience. The air of silence broke and her incessant wild thoughts when the Major spoke with an off handed causal tone, as though he was asking her to make a coffee for him. 

“Well then, that will be it. I want you to have the essay memorized in one weeks time and also, you can go to the address and talk to the Doctor yourself, so that you know we are not lying.” He slapped his thigh with an ‘alright,’ and stood from his seat. He extended his arm, to which Esther realized she was still on her sofa and sprang to her feet and shook his hand with a tight smile to his seemingly genuine one. 

Levi saw him out, with some unintelligible mumbles and grunts. Esther picked up her military jacket which was slightly small for her, and slung it to her shoulder. Once the Major left, she trudged towards the door. “Captain, I will be going now,” she said, and gave him a sharp salute. 

He came right under her. In some sick comedic part of her brain, she noticed the slight pores around his cheeks, which has turned rosy, and thought to herself amusingly; how pretty. But what she was supposed to notice was right under her nose and she was very, very late: the cold, dead, pissed expression on his face. How one can look dead and enraged was beyond her. 

She took a step back with a nervous smile. And he took a step toward her with a not-so nervous frown, which was beginning to look frightening on his already severe face. There was the warm wall that embraced her as she hit it with a soft 'thud,' with Levi reaching his hand. Towards her. It became bigger and bigger, and for a moment she was stupefied, thinking he was placing them on her cheeks. Instead, he slammed her into the wall, his nails digging deep into her neck and there was still that dead, pissed look to him. There was a disconnected thought, a memory of bulging, red veins in the most pretty eyes she'd seen. And no matter how hard she tried to reach into the fading reason buried under that rage, she knew her hands would be cut and her voice silenced with a brutal beat down. So, she kept her voice and her pain. 

“C-Captain..what are you-“ she spluttered out as her vision became hazy and she felt the distinct burning longing for air. 

“I want you to listen, and listen hard. Erwin was nice enough to try to ask for your permission and you disrespected him. I do not want such a fucking insolence from a fucking shit like yourself? Understand?” 

She quickly nodded her head and she felt as though her eyes were going to bulge out of her sockets. He gave a rough push again, and her head hit the wall with a loud bang. Her tears fell like waterfalls by that point, and she dropped to her feet once he let go. Her breath hitched and in a flying moment, she could feel the searing pain on her throat from years ago. She slapped her hand on her mouth and stifled the sobs that were about to escape. From her blurry vision, she could see his feet that felt suddenly so tall, and which was gone in few, hesitant minutes.


	3. For You

"Oh wow. You are fucked." A big, uncanny smile spread across her face. Her eyes were twinkling behind her glasses, and her stare was a bit too long; the glasses significantly magnified them. That was a very honest assessment of her situation. And she was regretting having to tell her about her little speech.

Esther grimaced, and gave a nervous chuckle which died down to a fake 'ha, ha ha's. "... right."

The girl snapped out of her daze, and took hold of Esther's hands, and started to run her finger along her veins, tracing the bony bumps. Esther shifted on her feet, casting a pleading look to Petra who was busy chatting away with Levi, and to her horror, she had the biggest blush she has seen on her. How anyone could even tolerate being in his presence was beyond her. And put his threat with a bit of physical violence, she wasn't sure if she could be in his presence any longer than ten minutes.

"I know, I know. Sometimes, its hard to be gang persuaded by those two. But if you want, after your speech-" She looked left and right, and returned her attention to Esther with a frown. "I could, if you want..." she leaned in very close, too close for comfort, "show you cool things in my lab?"

Esther pulled her hands away and smiled too widely. It hurt her cheeks a bit. "I would love to."

Anything to avoid Captain Levi.

Esther looked past the girl whose name she didn't know, and instead zoomed at the regal looking carriage coming their way. It had decorations at around the corners with flowers, wings, and a single horn. That symbolized the three military branches. Equally regal looking horses pulled the cart. They were white mares, with long, flowing thick hair. The carriage stopped before them with an abrupt screech, and the coachman looked sheepish

He got off the carriage and saluted which, she and Petra returned, being cadets with no rank. The Major arrived with the Commander; a man with a no nonsense attitude. He was taller than the Major, which was saying something.

"So, you're the rut Erwin was babbling on about, hmm?"

Esther looked up. "Yes, sir. I hope I can be of use to you, Sir."

"Get on the carriage runt."

Esther entered the carriage and sat down at the far end, keeping her legs tights and her eyes down on the floor. The Major sat down right next to her, and when he did, the carriage sloped to the left. " There are disadvantages to being big and muscled," he said, and smiled down at her. Esther chuckled, forcing the sound out for the sake of niceties. She kept the smile on for few seconds, before returning to her dissatisfied frown.

"Why the forlorn look, cadet?" The Commander asked as he plopped down across her with a thud. Before she could answer, he spoke again, "Don't answer that. I don't care and I don't want to know."

A look he gave to the Major did not slip past her, who looked out the window, ignoring him. He was deep in thought, and tapped his finger on the window with a musical rhythm. The constant tick tack annoyed her. The way to the Parliament was far, to say the least. It took a good modest two hours or so to reach. It was stationed inside Wall Sina, right next to the king's castle. And it was huge. She had to crane her neck, and take few steps back to see the place in full view. It was like one of those structures Greeks built, with intimidating, long shaft and a sleek pediment.

"Alright, let us go in," the Commander said with a heavy voice. He walked to the entrance, military robe flowing behind him in thick spams. 

Esther took a deep, shaky breath, and clutched the paper with the essay. She looked behind her to search for the Major. He was in a deep conversation with a woman around his age. Esther turned around with a heavy face and looked for a place to wait for him; she couldn't interrupt him nor go inside the building. She leaned back against the shaft, body stiff. This place was only for the sophisticated bunch, with their expensive dye clothes, brilliant gold watches, and guards with an empty face, obeying their every whine. And the women, oh the women. The thick garments with waist hugging corsets, the grace of their words and posture, and their beautiful jewelry took her breath away. Compare that with her poor background in the filthy trenches of Wall Maria, bakeries infested with rats, children disheveled with fleas and ticks from playing in the sewage; she stuck out like a filth on a marble. And they would clean away the filth on their sleek, shining marble. 

The meeting started. The air was sickeningly sweet with forced politeness, uncomfortable discussions of funds, and of course, about taxes, to be further imposed on the mobs of masses with their debts already stacked up to the roof of their house. The King wasn't present. It didn't go unnoticed by the nobles, who bared their displeasure with a snide bite or two. Although his representatives were there ( five men with bulging bellies and discolored faces ), it wasn't enough to warrant complete compliance. The table they sat was humongous that fit about fifty people. And it was a circle shape with no one at the top. Before them, a glass of water and stack of neat papers were placed. 

At first, her nerves were tingling in her ear, like a small batch of ants scurrying in them. Then a sense of dread pulled its weight down, bringing her to the ground, and with a harsh thud, the weight piled on the ground and she couldn't stand up. She was waiting to speak, repeating the essay to herself from the beginning to its end, beating herself over if she forget a line. In every two minute, she tensely looked over at the Major, who was so relaxed in his chair with a closed smile, that she would think he was meeting up with old acquaintances, but alas, she knew better. 

There was a man across her who glanced at her with a queer look in his eyes, as though he's seen her before, but can't quite remember. He was quite handsome for a man his age - late fifties- with a full, thick beard, immaculate brows and dark lashes. The color of his eyes were the same shade as hers, a deep blue that bordered on green. The Major sat next to him with a polite smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, answering his questions in a politician's language. Once in a while, the man's eyes would harden and his lips would be in a straight line, almost disappearing when the Major said something. Innocuous to her ears, but offending to the man. 

When the time came for the Survey Corps to discuss their issues, one of the representatives of the king stood up. He had a calculating look to him, a cold look that fringed into cruelty. "We will continue our session after a break. All of us are rather tired of listening to one issue over another," he said with a boisterous laugh, and glanced at the Commander. He didn't hide his displeasure. "If that's alright with you, Commander." 

"Let's take a break, the day is long. We have plenty time," the Commander said coldly. 

They left the room briskly, shuffling away with the papers in their hands, forming into their natural groups. The noble man across her didn't leave, however. He sat in his place, seemingly reading the stacked papers but, his eyes seemed blank and clouded. The Major turned to him and put his arm on his shoulder. "There is someone I want to introduce to you," he said while glancing up at her. The man's head shot up, and a look of fear crossed his handsome features. Esther observed them with a faraway indifference, and noted how reflective his eyes were; he would make a good actor. 

"Let us go somewhere more private," the man said; there was a tilt to his tone, going up and down at irregular intervals. 

"So, we shall." He smiled at the man, a cold smile like the way he smiled when he first saw her. It sent shivers down her back. He turned to her again and motioned for her to come with them. She stood up and followed them out of the room. They walked through the long corridors with large paintings of ruling kings and queens, and into a tiny room with no furniture in sight. Tension hung in the air and Esther wasn't exactly sure why. 

"Cadet Esther. Our brave soldier who has dedicated her life to humanity. A lesson for the strong who do nothing when the dignity of humans is dwindling more than before."

The man swallowed thickly, and gave a nasty look to the Major, who clasped her hand around her shoulder. "And this is Barret, from the Schreiber family. He is part of the King's Council. Not a representative, but you know that don't you?" 

Esther did not know, but she nodded her head anyway. She extended her arm to Barret. "It's a pleasure to meet you, sir." 

"Please, call me Barret." The hesitant tremor in his demeanor did not go away, but he masked it with an impassive face and a steady voice. 

"Cadet Esther, I would like you to go to your home for the time being. There is no need for the essay," he said, and he sounded oddly content. Like he won a battle she didn't know they were waging. "But, sir. How about my mother?" 

Barret's expressive eyes lit up in a queer way, and he looked at her longingly. Almost in a soft way. His furrowed brows slackened, and his mouth wasn't so tight anymore. Before the Major could answer, he spoke up. "How...is your mother?" 

Esther raised a brow at his sudden interest in her. It was best to stay away from people like him, her mother always said so. "She is doing fine, sir," she said, coldly. The Major cleared his voice and began to guide her to the door. "Your mother will be fine." 

"What about the funding?" She whispered when he gently pushed her to the balcony with an arm on her back. He smiled that secret smile again. "We already have our funding, thanks to you."


End file.
